Wish Your Husband Came with a Manual?

 In Blog, Documentary

Wouldn’t it be great if husbands came with a manual?  I’ve heard this several times.  As it turns out, you do have a manual for your husband, though it’s probably not what you are thinking.

Throughout our lives we use our environment, culture, personal preferences and experience to start forming beliefs about what we want for ourselves.  We begin to form visions of our ideal future. We even create an unspoken instruction guide for others in our lives about how we would like them to behave so we can find that “ideal future” and live happily ever after. The other people involved in these relationships don’t even know there is an instruction guide or manual they should be following because we usually don’t tell them.  We just get really annoyed when they don’t do things how we think they should.

We don’t tell them, because we probably don’t know we carry a manual ourselves.  Most people feel the person they have this unspoken manual for, should just know what to do and how to act.  This type of scenario causes pain for the manual holder. 

I know you feel justified in having expectations for the people around you, but it can be damaging if your emotional well being and happiness are tied to another person behaving a certain way.

Let’s try something.  It’ll only take a minute and will very eye opening.  Promise.  Make a list of everything you think your husband should do in your marriage relationship.  Now, make one more list of all the characteristics you think a “good” marriage should have.

Tada!!! Here are two manuals you have been carrying around without even knowing it.

Is there a problem with your lists?  Maybe, maybe not.  Of course it is okay to tell your husband about your manual and make requests for him to follow it, but just know he may or may not comply.  It’s so important that both people in the relationship have the freedom to behave however they choose.  Not convinced?

I know you think if your husband changed his behavior to fit your manual, your marriage would be so much better.  Let’s think about the other side though.  Your husband also has a manual for you.  What if he wrote his lists and handed them to you and said, “you must fulfill my manual in order for me to be happy in this marriage with you”?

Not cool, right?!

Need some help figuring out your manual and how to feel empowered to create your own happiness…even if your husband won’t comply with the awesome manual you have for him? Contact me here for a free 20 minute mini session.