Would You Want to Talk to You?
Tonight, I was summoned to my bedroom. One of my boys was there surrounded by broken glass. I’m telling you guys, there was glass everywhere! In my bed, in the laundry baskets, in my jacket, between my books, buried in the long pile carpet. You get the picture.
I could tell he was nervous and afraid to speak. Finally he told me he was responsible for the broken glass. He was still afraid to give the details. I won’t lie, my tired body was fighting back anger and my frustrations were running deep. Somehow I mustered the ability to say, “It’s OK buddy, accidents happen. Let’s just get this cleaned up.” After the words come out of my mouth, I instantly saw him soften. He went on to explain that he was swinging the couch pillows and accidently hit the lights. He hurried to get the vacuum and stayed by my side until we cleaned up all the glass we could find.
As we were cleaning I thought about how the situation might have been different if I had given into my instinct to lay into him (it wasn’t hard to imagine this scenario, as it happens that way more than I care to admit). He was probably expecting the worst. What if I yelled at him for horse playing in my room, and explained that my day was just made worse by his carelessness? Would we have been working together and still feeling love? Probably not. Would I have been able to model the example that he can tell the truth without me freaking out?
During this moment with my son and the glass, I reflected back to earlier years with my husband. I remember early in my marriage, I wanted to have better communication with him. I felt like he didn’t like talking. It made me feel mad and hurt. As I thought more about this, I couldn’t help but wonder how I responded to him when he communicated something to me that I didn’t like. Did I get mad or try to prove why he was wrong and I was right? Did I just want to respond in a way that would prove my own points? To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to talk to me either, if I was him.
Just because we are willing to talk, doesn’t mean we are communicating in a way that is healthy for mutual connection and conversation. It is so important that we are able to connect with our husbands in a way that fosters the ability to be open and honest.
Are you communicating in a way that encourages truth, sincerity and connection with your husband? Are your words and your reactions letting him know that he can communicate who he really is, without worry of how you will respond?
If you want more conversation and connection with your husband, you must be willing to show him that you can handle the truth. Would you want to talk to you, if you were him?
Contact me here for a free 20 minute mini session, to chat about your communication style.